IMPORTANT: Please read and understand the comments below about required minimum donations before you even think about taking this seriously.
So it’s time for me to come to you for help.
Make no mistake: this blog will always be free, and I thank you most sincerely for reading it. That’s really all I want from you. Here at Shoulblog, we get along OK. But there’s always room for improvement, y’know? So today, we turn to you, our faithful readers, to offer you the opportunity to contribute monetarily to the future of the blog.
Like all good donation opportunities, being a sponsor of Shoulblog can mean some lovely premiums for you. And like only the very best opportunities, there are several levels of sponsorship, so you can select what’s best for you.
But first, importantly, you should know that there is a REQUIRED MINIMUM CONTRIBUTION. That minimum is $100,000. Yes, that may sound steep, but we decided to set it at that level for a reason. That reason is: if you can’t afford that amount, I don’t want your money. You probably have much better things to spend it on, like, maybe, yourself. Your kids. Your parents. Your favorite political candidate. Whatever.
However, if you are the kind of person who can afford to throw a hundred grand—or more—to a humble blogger, I would be more than happy to accept it. Maybe you won the lottery. Maybe you found that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Heck, maybe you came by it less than honestly and need to unload some of it quietly. I’m not judging here.
I struggled to get a C in the one accounting class I took, but I’m pretty sure there won’t be any tax deduction for you, for this. But if you can afford to do this (congratulations, by the way: I think the rest of us don’t say that often enough), perhaps saving a few bucks in taxes wouldn’t matter a whole lot to you anyway.
I can promise to you that a portion of your contribution will go toward making Shoulblog better for everyone. I’ll purchase some better photographic equipment, for one thing. There will be more posts and pictures from exotic locales. And if I get even one contribution, I’ll buy the WordPress upgrade that will remove the ads at the bottom of posts. Through your generosity, you will make the world a better place.
What about those lovely premiums, you ask? Well, for just $100,000 you can have an entire Shoulblog post written about you. That’s right, YOU can be the star of this blog, and YOUR post will remain on the site as long as Shoulblog is around. More good news: this premium is scalable. For $200,000, I will write TWO posts about you. Maybe one could feature a nice photographic portrait, and the other a humorous but touching anecdote about how you and I met. And for $300,000, I’ll do three, a veritable SERIES of Shoulblog posts. All about you.
And if you’re really into reading about yourself, I’ll make a special offer; for $500,000, I will write SIX posts about you; that’s like getting a whole post for free!
Vanity not your thing? There’s another category of premiums in which you might be interested. Beginning at the $200,000 level, I can write a Shoulblog post about someone else. A former lover, perhaps. An ex-boss. That cop who gave you a ticket when you were only going 11 mph. over the limit. You get the idea.
Or perhaps fiction is more to your liking. For $500,000, I will write a short story, in which YOU are the main character. Your name, your physical description, everything. You can be the hero or heroine, if you want. (And speaking of “physical,” the story can go in that direction, if you know what I mean. You write the check, you name the other characters, and it’s done.)
Finally, at the $1 million level, you will have the opportunity to rename Shoulblog for one whole week to whatever name you would like. Smithblog? Kochblog? Pujolsblog? Your name could be HERE. And I guarantee you that tens of people will see it. Maybe dozens.
But that’s not all! A donation at any of the above levels will earn you a personalized, hand-written and signed letter of gratitude from me. And if you’d like, I’ll throw in a typed version of the same letter so you’ll actually be able to read it. Absolutely free. Here at Shoulberg, our goal is to make our donors happy.
So, please consider a donation to Shoulberg. After all, why just read it for free when you can read it AND reduce the nation’s wealth inequality at the same time?
If interested, send me an email at johnshoulberg (at) gmail.com and we’ll get the process started.